Why I No Longer Strongly Hold Onto Goals, Beliefs, Principles

Because I’m a different person from who I was 10 years ago and I don’t know where or who I will be 10 years from now.

I will die one day, that’s one definite constant of my life. Another constant is I will change. I used to have stretch goals and see myself very far into the future and be very idealistic about it. Not anymore.

When I was in high school I promised myself I would stay and work to make a change in my country. I was very opinionated about people who don’t put their country first before personal gain or comfort. I live and work abroad now.

I used to strongly believe that I’m never going to need a partner or get married. I have a boyfriend and we’ve been dating pretty seriously for three years.

I used to have strong opinions on everything and be quite loud about it. I don’t believe in a lot of them anymore, I’m even embarrassed to admit I used to vouch for some of those stances.

Throughout the years my priorities changed. I met all sorts of people I never met before and wanted things I never wanted before. There were some moments where I thought “I’ve finally found what kind of work I want to do for the rest of my life” and changed my mind the week after. There were some people I met who made me think “This is exactly who I’m not going to be” and found myself doing the exact things they did the year after.

Even when most of the changes I went through ended up being positive and for the better, It’s still embarrassing having to face myself and eat my own words. It always feels like somehow, I’ve betrayed myself.

When we hold strongly onto the idea of I’d rather be smart than have a six-pack and incorporate that into our identity, we tend to lose the opportunity of being smart and have a six-pack. When we hold strongly onto the idea I’d rather be kind than rich, we tend to lose the opportunity of being kind and rich.

If we finally become not as smart and not as kind as we want to be but have a six-pack and rich, are we still ourselves?

The point is not that having personal beliefs, goals, or principles are bad. The point is even if we have them, know that it’ll probably change and that we’ll be okay about it. Be prepared so that when we no longer hold a certain belief or pursue a certain goal, we don’t lose parts of ourselves.

I don’t believe in Crypto. But still, I try to read and learn as much as I can about it. I’m even prepared that one day I might join the bandwagon of people I internally categorize as “get rich quick Gen Zs” (and yes, I’m a Gen Z myself 🙃).

I don’t believe in buying luxuries, but I do imagine the possibility that one day it might have value on my life and I might derive joy from owning them.

I still have goals, beliefs, and principles that I hold onto, but I no longer attach them strongly to my identity. I think the best thing to do now is to provide a cushion so that whatever change we’ll eventually land on, we will have more comfort and freedom to navigate through it.

Having more savings will give us the freedom to change the direction of our goals, calling, passion.

Keeping and nurturing relationships with people that like and love us the way we are will assure us of the company we need in whatever state we’ll be in.

Having health, life, business, house, and whatever insurance will give us more leeway when undesirable change happens. And it happens all the time.

We know how different we are from the person we were 10 years ago, so let’s not assume we know who we will be 10 years from now.

I create this little space on the internet to write my thoughts and reflections on being a human, a woman, and a software developer. I don't have Instagram/Twitter but I can be found on LinkedIn. Feel free to contact/give feedback/tell me your story through my email: ivanaairenee@gmail.com