Better Than Others

This blog post is going to be a shorter one, written entirely during my recent flight back to Singapore from Jakarta.

After living a sedentary lifestyle for most of your life, you picked up running. You began the journey of completing your first 5k race, spending a good portion of your monthly budget on a pair of running shoes, and started sharing your Strava logs across other social media platforms. After a while, you probably bought a Garmin or a Coros on a whim and spent another sizable part of your salary on a pair of racing shoes (I promise the high price tag is truly justified!).

In the midst of these actions and events, you feel something you’ll probably never admit to anyone,

you feel that you’re better than others.

“Others” who don’t run, or “others” who run at a slower pace, or “others” who don’t run as often as you do, you name it. Depending on your level of self-reflection and past athletic experience, you’re most likely becoming the very person you once despised.

Before you start feeling guilty about it, let me assure you that what you’re experiencing is part of a wonderful growth.

It’s a wonderful kind of growth, as long as you keep moving toward the next phases instead of getting stuck or regressing.

Here’s how I would illustrate those phases:

What you’re finally escaping is the vicious cycle and community of “crab mentality.” It’s the mindset of people who can’t manage to break a bad habit, start a good one, or reach a life milestone, and who resent those who can. Even worse, some try to influence others to share their sense of “superiority” simply because they choose to remain in mediocrity. Ironic, isn’t it? Yet you and I both know this happens, and these people exist.

Starting to feel like you’re better than others, in my opinion, is a sign that you’ve begun to see yourself as separate from the person you once were. It becomes less likely for you to regress or fall back into old habits, because you don’t want to be like “others”, you’re better than that. The positive continuation of this realization is understanding that the only person you truly need to be better than is your past self.

Hopefully, all of this will lead to the continuation of the good habits you’ve started and help you stay consistent. I know this opinion and realization don’t come from academic research or scientific evidence, but one example that I believe rings true for many is that the nicest and most friendly people at the gym are usually either those who have just started or those who have been going for many years. I think of them as people who are “not yet in the phase” or “through the phase.”

Throughout my life, I’ve gone through various moments of growth that might be labeled as “flexing” or being “pretentious.” From reading and writing to dieting, losing weight, running, strength training, and even learning to manage personal finances, each phase has shaped me in different ways. In some cases, I’ve certainly done things that may have hurt, annoyed, or caused discomfort to others, because consciously or subconsciously, I felt better than them.

I was raised to achieve, but I don’t recall my parents or teachers ever emphasizing the need to be humble about everything. Humility is a virtue I only truly came to understand and value when I rediscovered my faith and began paying closer attention to the readings and homilies during Sunday Masses (I’m a practicing Catholic). This realization only came in recent years, when I was already fully an adult. Even then, some of my actions still slip through the cracks.

Sometimes, when I’m reminded of the things I said or did as a teenager or young adult, I feel deeply embarrassed. Yet I’m still grateful for those moments, because through the strain they caused in relationships and the shame I feel about who I used to be, I learned and grew. If I could go back in time, I don’t think I would change a thing.

The next time you feel annoyed or angry at someone for criticizing or shaming others for their bad habits or lifestyle, I hope you remember this piece of writing. As long as what they’re promoting and believing in is something good, see their fleeting ego as a sign of growth, and wish for them to move through this rocky phase.

If they’re someone you care about, you’re entitled to give them a piece of your mind, though 😉

I create this little space on the internet to write my thoughts and reflections on being a human, a woman, and a software developer. I don't have Instagram/Twitter but I can be found on LinkedIn. Feel free to contact/give feedback/tell me your story through my email: ivanaairenee@gmail.com